The Letters She'll Never Read
by ErikaNapoleonica
Summary: In his moments of anguish Erik writes the letters he'll never send... oh no! He wouldn't dare to send them and she'll never read... she wouldn't want to read them. (Letter Two up)
1. Letter One

**A/N:** You'll have to forgive me, but I just couldn't resist the temptation.

**The Letters She'll Never Read**

**Letter One**

_My dear Christine,_

_I do not know why I insist in writing down what I think, I know your heaven-blessed hands will never touch this damned paper and yet I secretly wish my words will reach you._

_I think of you and I think of the world, I think of God who made us different, I think of my cursed life, my head spins around and I see everything so clear and yet so confusing at the same time. But then when fate has mercy and I'm allowed to forget the horrors of my life and I think of you it is oh heaven! A sensation so full of reality and tenderness that I begin to wonder if it lacks sin... and yet why do I worry? Have I not sinned since the day of my birth? Is not my mere existence a sin? _

_I believe I'm just afraid my dear, afraid of profaning your pureness with my thought._

_Oh Christine! I've cursed God so many times and now I curse him and bless him the same. I do not know if its mercy or torture, and I wish... oh I wish I knew._

_Without you my whole existence seems worthless, empty a vast span of time with no meaning at all. I wish oh Christine, with all my soul, if I have one soul and heaven did not forget to give me one, if I have a soul oh my angel if I have one.... I love you with every inch of it._

_Your name sounds so sweet and pure that I'm afraid of saying it aloud and profaning it, and yet when I dear I find it so incalculably lovable and bitter, knowing that I'll never be able to pronounce it without remorse and loathsome for myself. Your name is music and there are no words to describe music, music sends that chilling sensation to your bones, that shiver to your spine, that heat to your blood, it accelerates your heart beats and respiration it makes you close your eyes and forget the world, it makes your mind focus on its beauty... oh Christine! Music is your name._

_Not one composer can write it down, never the music sounds as in our heads and all my work now sounds so futile, nothing compared to the beauty of your name._

_Your name Christine is music, your name Christine is soul, your name is heart, your name is tender, your name is everything... your name Christine is my life._

_I do not know how to sign, sincerely, affectionately, lovingly all sound meaningless and despiteful, so my angel I do not sign with them but just with my name... Erik _


	2. Letter Two

A/N: Uh... Hello? I've been really and I mean really bored lately, my computer broke and I've been condemned to work in the school computer for a long time... but okay who cares? Also I've been chased by a Mis mob in the library, apparently I'm the only one around who believes Phantom to be great ... oh well firetruck them! Anyway stop reading about my personal life and read the letter!

* * *

**Letter Two**

_My beloved Christine,_

_I do not sleep, I do not eat, I do not compose... it seems that you are the only thing my mind has space to hold and I hold you love... I hold you close to my heart, you are in everything I see, everything that's beautiful resembles you. I can sit here and write thousands of words which will mean nothing to you, and yet these words hold my thoughts, my very soul... Christine._

_It seems that I can do no other thing than write and it is so futile; love, for words cannot describe you... I hear music in my mind and try foolishly to play it, but it is too divine love, to divine for this world, so full of hatred and so full of malice... and yet so full of you._

_Oh Christine, how much I have hated this world for denying me beauty, how I long to hold you in my arms, sense the smell of your hair, the tenderness of your touch. To look the bright light in your eyes when I call you name, to hear your sweet voice saying that you love me... you are everything that is clean and sweet and pure._

_I know that I only torture my self when I think of the things we could say, the thing we could feel, I know that this means nothing to you... that I am only a shadow on a beautiful summer day, that I am like a cloud covering the sun of your life. And yet, even though I know that I can only cause you loathsome, somehow... I need you._

_I have tried love, I have tried. Tried to resist the enormous temptation of shattering the mirror that sets your world apart of mine, tried to forget that you are there, tried to make myself certain that I do not love you love, but its everything a lie... and to deny it its to deny life._

_If you are ever to read this, which I will make certain you don't, believe that I hold you above anything else on the face of this Earth, you are an angel love. I truly do not know what is happening in the world? I cannot understand it by any means and I have tried to explain it and I only can imagine that God must be very ill, he has sent both a demon and an angel to this earth... yes, God must be truly ill, for that demon of hell has fallen in love with that divine creature of his._

_Oh, I dream and dream that... I wish with all the fire of my soul... I desire with everything I've got... what would I give love so that we were equal? So that you could love me as a man? Why do I even ask? I have the answer... I would give anything, anything._

_I have tried to sale my soul to both the Lucifer and God but none of them seems to consider it valuable enough to seal a deal, or is it that I just do not have a soul? But I must have one, for you are there as well as in my heart._

_I must stop, if I write anything else I believe I might die, the torture has tore apart my spirit and I am not able to endure any further torments...Someday I say, someday I'll hold you in my arms and I'll confess dear... I'll confess that you are everything for me and if you say that you... no I do not dare to write it! But if you say it love, I will be saved and God will have no more loyal servant than me. This I swear with my heart in my hand... Erik._


End file.
